I have been feeling incredibly clustered the last few weeks. I have so many ideas and things I want to do, but they aren’t quite translating to action yet; they are in my head, but I don’t quite know what to do or where to start. However, I have come to the conclusion that I have to stop. I need to slow down and take a breath. I need to step back and not let the anxiety get to me. I seem to want to rush everything these days and it’s actually slowing me down a lot! I realize that much of my anxieties are stemming from not knowing exactly what I want to do and losing confidence in my creative self.
My unpainted birch wood panels have been sitting in a pile for weeks now I’ve been so afraid to pick one up and paint. Me, afraid of painting?! I know I’m in bad shape when painting scares me. Today, however, after tiptoeing around my paint table for hours, keeping myself distracted, I finally picked up a panel, took off the plastic around it and ever so delicately began to gesso. Phew…I did it! It’s not much, but applying the white gesso gave me a renewed sense of control and focus. The purpose of gesso is to act as a primer, it gives the paint something to cling to. I needed to come back to the basics, start clean and fresh and slowly work my way back to making something meaningful. Sometimes its hard for me to not just jump right into something, but sometimes I need to understand that I don’t need to get it all done at once. I need time to explore and ponder and plan. To lay the foundation and do things right.